The New Year's Resolution i hope i can do.

One of the Highlights before the year ends is the "new year's resolution" thing. This is - writing and listing all the things you wanna change to yourself, things you would do next year, and things you will do to upgrade yourself.

I never did any resolution list before. Pero masubukan nga lang. Malay mo diba? hehe

Next Year I promise to...

1) Loose Weight up to 15 Kilos. I'm 70 kilos now, so I must loose some fats until i reach 55 kgs. Whew! that' Hard...

2) I will stop criticizing how people Dress, their fashion statement... That's so me, but i need to change.

3) I will get whiter..i promise :)

4) I will stop being evil.. and i will stop plotting evil with Hazel and Ruth. hooo!! mga bad influence! :)

5) I will build some muscle in my biceps..

that's so impossible to do.. I know. Right? kaya erase mga yan.

Eto totoo..  Next Year...

1) I will eat whatever i want basta balance sa meat and veggies

2). I will continue to criticize people on the way they style themselves. This way, I'm helping :)

3) I will continue being evil, because the world needs mean person. Parang eco-life lang yan, one helps the other.

4) i will not build up muscles on purpose, hayaan na ang pag bubuhat ng patient at pag tutulak ng wheel chair do the thing.

5) I will try my best to Get hired. I wont be Absent or Late to whatever schedule i may be.

Doing Resolutions should be Realistic. Not idealistic. Resolutions are just a reflection of what you can, and cant do next year. So why go to the Hardest Part when you can stay calm and Relax.. ayyt?

I love you Mckenzie Noah.. Goodbye..

December 28 2009 at around 12 PM- while i was browsing the net and looking at my old pictures, I was stuck staring with this picture. I cant distinguish if this is my Neice Zsantal, or my Nephew Noah. Then i saw his eyes, and said " ay kay Melinda to". He was a good looking boy indeed, No wonder why his name was formulated. (MC meaning "son of"- KENZIE "handsome"). Mark Edward is my BestBud,. I've known him to have a great, strong personality and a brave one. 1 PM that day, a friend texted me and said "tol wala na man na raw si Noah". I was shocked and i was like "hindi yun totoo, may raw naman eh,". I was really in denial, because i am sure that HE is ok. but i was wrong, totally wrong. It was heart-crashing when i found out that our boy, Mckenzie Noah B. Fernandez, just passed away with all of us left clueless why.

Our berks planned to go to Bud's place. While we were on our way, i was silent. I am nervous. I am teary-eyed. The moment we arrived at his place, a lighted trunk of a tree struck our eyes. The usual thing people does when someone just passed away. I saw Mark through their window, Holding his tears back. I took the courage to asked my friends to enter the house.  I am strong, I should be. I should not let them see me sympathizing with them cause it's non- therapeutic. I entered the house and went to Bud., He hugged me so tight and cried. I broke down, i shouldn't be but i did. Mark hugged me like a kid telling me "im hurt" like what my nieces do. I withdrawn, and turn my back out of bud's sight. i was hell crying in one side of their house. I just cant take it, looking unto Mark, regressing to the lost of his child.  i cant hug Melinda that time because if i did, i wouldn't stop crying.

We stayed there waiting for Noah's body from the funeral. I can still hear Melinda crying. And Ruth said, She's lullabying while crying. I am so worried for Melinda, because She just gave birth and she's a total candidate for Post-Partum Depression,if not Post Partum Psyche. We were there when Noah was delivered to earth. We were also there when He's fighting for his life. We were there until the last time he's out of the coffin.

It's sad to think that He was able to survive his operation, He was strong to fight his condition back. i know that those two are Blaming themselves. and that Doubting the Love of God for them. Well, guys, its Normal. they are in the stage of grief cold Denial, and Anger. kung iisipin bakit pa nga ba binigyan sila ng 3 months tas kukunin din. But i hope, in time, that they will be realized to thank God for allowing us to have him for a while, i know how it hurts them, But The Hurt Cannot be Equated to the Happiness they Felt when Noah is still alive.

Baby Mckenzie, buloy, anak. if your seeing me right now, crying while typing.. hope you felt the love i had for you. I love you, even before i saw you. I am thankful that even for a while you made us all happy. Unting oras lang yun pero ok na. i remember when you need blood and i was the only one compatible to yours, i really wanted to give you mine, but i was drunk that night. I knew, anyways, that you can make it. And you did. This time, you were gone so sudden, We didn't even realized. I will always remember you, your name, your first picture, your cry. Bye for now Mckenzie Noah.. See you soon..

2009: Best Year So Far!

This is a year end Blog.:)



2009 was the best year so far, at least for me. I have asked many things from the Lord God and thankfully he grant all of those. I graduated my bachelor's degree in Nursing this year, and i was so happy because not all of us can finish a course. Education for me is very important because this is the only thing that makes me different from others. i am not rich, we are not. But i am proud i can be said "Educated", rich or educated? sa educated na ko. :) i am also happy for my brother Rex for graduating his Bachelor's Degree in Computer Engineering. at last, for like 7 years? whew! laking ginhawa nito kay Mom. I hope so. :)

this year also, My father was released from Jail and proven innocent by the judge. Remember that my Father was imprisoned last 2008 for allegedly Drug pushing, but after a year of agony my father was released. We wanted to file a counter case to the arresting officers but we thought that we were already fed up by hearings and lawyers etc. We just learned a lesson.. THAT THOSE WHO SAYS CAN PROTECT US ALWAYS, CAN NEVER PROTECT US INDEED.

This Year, the same year as i graduated, i became a REGISTERED NURSE. sabi ko nga, The Fact that i finished college is something that i can brag to everyone, ETO pa kayang pagiging isa kong ganap na NURSE? i was so delighted and overwhelmed with my blessings this year! i was always been doubted not to pass the exam, but hello?? hehe Bragging my title was OFFENSIVE (daw) for a certain person. She wrote something to my wall in FB saying " Dapat maging rich ka bago mo ipagsigawan na RN ka" at first i was really surprised and nearly pissed off. but then i ended up laughing.. HAHAHAH.. can you imagine that? SOMEONE WHO IS, SAID TO BE RICH, told me i should be rich first before i'll brag my being a RN. Stupidity ey? I know right. kaya nga hindi ko nalang pinatulan because hello, like what i've said i am not rich but i am EDUCATED, ahem a LICENSED EDUCATED. haha ang ingetera mamatay na :)


this year, Hazel and I celebrated our 3rd year anniversary. Akalain mo yun, nakatgal ako sakanya, haha. like what i've said to her, i still feel the same way i feel the first time we've met. And i kept loving her everyday. :)

This year, My ate Px went home for a vacation. for that 40 day vacation i felt is so enough to fulfill those times she was not here. kaysa sa wala diba? and she said she's getting married. yipee..

This year i entered the hospital as a Volunteer Nurse. It was really tiring. Patients were annoying indeed. but the good thing is that, i learn something very helpful every day. i met new friends who were Nurses like me, and they were all nice. It was tiring but tiring as in " ok lang" not tiring as in "AYOKO NA".


God gave me all a person can ask for. family, Friends, Career, Love ones. Who could not be happy for me. I got a perfect life living. I got perfect Friends who's helping me out. i had a great family. I have the best girl in the world. I have the career i longed to have. whew! thank you Lord Christ Almighty. Without you im Nothing.

Next year, all im asking is to get hired. LORD please.. one last time. hehe


MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE.. and a BEAUTIFUL and WARMNESS New Year!

The Ambitions i had when i was younger. Believe It or Not.. :)

when i went to batangas, i met this kid named Pyrus. A good looking kid who wanted to be a NPA and A Killer when he grow up. Tawa ako ng tawa. if only that boy knew what he's talking about. but then i realized my ambitions growing up, what went wrong, and what finally inspire me to continue my Nursing Profession, i said, mas marami pa nga ako naging pangarap sa batang ito.

When we were in our school age days, Nauso ang autograph. What's your favorite color? favorite food? favorite teacher? Who's ur crush? what's your Ambition. I never write "I want to become a Nurse someday".. i always write "i want to become a Mechanic". haha yep, thats true. That ambition started when i was able to fix our vintage aircon. basta some part of that machine was broken and i was able to fix that.

Aside from becoming a superhero with a super powers, i also wished to become a policeman someday. funny, but true though. i felt that time it was really nice to become a police. I always wanted Guns, and action movies. kaya of what i become now, akalain mo bang nais ko rin pala maging pulis. haha

When i stepped in Grade 6, i started dancing, and singing. and i realized im gifted with a voice. i wanted to become a singer. but there's a big BUT there, i wanted to become a singer without joining any singing contest. Yung tipong discover lang. hehe

when i was first year highschool, i started to talk in front of the people.. interviewing them, asking them anything other the sun. I, then, wanted to become a Host. Kaya first year highchool pa lang, i made up my mind to take Mass Communication as my course win college, I was really decided until i was about to enter 2nd year. My mostache started to come out, pimples, acnes, my hair never went in good place, my voice become much deeper, my belly started to pop out. i was really devastated and told my self, no UGLY person can be a TV Host/ a News Anchor. Change Plan. but i really cant think of a course that suits be other than that. it was really devastating to me.

When i was in third year, Nursing course was booming out. was i interested? not at all. i thought of becoming a lawyer, but not that i understimated myself, i just cant take constitutions, crimes, justices, etc. I wanted to become a doctor, but i cant because we are not rich. kawawa naman ako, mag 4 4th year na hindi ko pa alam ang gusto ko. the first months of my 4th year, i decided to take accountancy.. pero nagbago ihip ng hangin afterwards.

Nung 4th year na ko, i took Entrance exam for Nursing in St. Louis University. I passed. 5 out of like 75 passed that exam for nursing. And i was one of that five student. i enrolled myself to nursing, but i know i never liked it. sayang lang kasi yung privilege na makasama sa 5 na pumasa na yun. pero after one year, i stopped. ayoko talaga ng nursing. i stopped for one semester to figure out, ano ba tlga ang gusto ko.. then i was decided to enroll in dentistry.

I was with Geeson Led, when i decided to enroll Dentistry. I have my transfer credentials already. pero when i was about to pass my req'ts, bigla nyang sinabi na " Sayang naman yung isang taon mo, kawawa naman magulang mo papaaral sayo, tapusin mo nalang itong nursing".. hay na carried away naman daw ako, ayun nag enrol naman daw ako uli sa nursing..

I never liked Nursing, but i began loving it when i met my girlfriend. She inspired me to continue this profession and i was happy that i did. now, i super love talking with the patients, and so excited about duties.lalo pag sa operating room.. Now I'm a registered Nurse. and i Am happy.

regrets? yup sometimes. My frustrations of becoming ACCOUNTANT, LAWYER, POLICE, and TV/ NEWS ANCHOR. pero may hihilingin pa ba naman ako? Tapos ako., That's what matters most..

the super trip of the superman wannabe :)

October 6 2008 at 6 Am, we started our journey to Batangas. AGENDA: to meet the family of my sister’s future husband.. And A GRAND VACATION. We really need that vacation. I am with my sister PX and my brother Rex. The trip lasted for like 9 hours. 5 hours to Manila, And 4 hours to their place in Agoncillo, Batangas. The reason why I liked to join my siblings in going t o the place is to Go farther. Haha. The farthest I went to before Batangas was in Subic Zambales way back 2005. We had different stop overs in Tarlac, Manila, Laguna, Lipa, and then Lemery where we stoop. We were fetched by My Bayaw’s Brother then drived us home to Agoncillo.


The Batangueno people are really nice. They talked to us as if we knew each other before. As we reached their place, my brother and I sat down with the guys outside, drinking. And guess what these people are drinking? KWATRO KANTOS. OMG I said. It was highschool when I last drinking that. And I QUIT that already when GSM Blue came to its popularity. I didn’t drink, my brother did. My brother said “Parang yung Alcohol na pang hugas ng kamay” haha. Then they asked “baka naman hindi kayo sanay sa kwatro kantos, ano ba ang iniinom niyo at nang kayo’y mabili ko, kasi kung hindi kayo sanay eh baka sira ang tiyan ninyo dito” We answered “Wala ho bang GSM BLUE?” they answered “ Ano Yun?”. I didn’t controlled myself and said “ hindi nyo alam yun?” haha. They all laughed, I thought I offended them. Pero HINDI. They’re cool. Promise.

What I can’t forget about staying in that place is the simplicity of their life. Their source of income is through their piggery and other farm animals. The place was cool and clammy. The smell of the pigs stinks at first but we were able to tolerate it. THE FOOD IS GREAT.
I don’t know if it’s their nature or maybe because we are just there, but they cooked so much. We’re like eating 6 times a day. Once at 7 am which I call the “pre breakfast” , then at 9 am “the real breakfast”. At 12 “ Lunch, at 2 pm meryenda, at 5 pm “Pre-dinner” and at 8 “dinner”. Whew! I think I gained like 2 kilo’s in our stay. Actually we don’t want to eat the “pre-meals” kaya lang ang kulit nila. Halos all of them went to our room one by one saying “toy kumain na kayo”. Sa kulit nila kahit ayaw mo na kumain, eh kumain na nga para matigil na sila. hehe

The original plan is, on Thursday October 8, 2009 we will go home to pangasinan for it will be my niece’s birthday on the 9th. But we cancelled our trip because they want us to stay. We went to Taal, to see some good spots. But on the night of the October 8th, we are all homesick. We planned to go home by 2 am in the dawn of October 9, but we didn’t pursue. CARMEN ROSALES was washed-out. Pero uwi parin kami sabi ko. Kaya mga 2 pm, we took the risk. We went home. I mean we tried.
As we arrived in Manila, there were No trips going up north. We went to different terminals. NOT a single TRIP to North was seen. Until one Bus said “DAGUPAN”. Sumakay kami even if we knew that DAGUPAN is also flooded. On our way, we’re all thinking, “Paano tayo bababa doon.” The Bus has a Television but instead of watching News, they played a DVD. So we really don’t have any idea. Buti nalang, My cousin Roswitha texted us and said bumaba na lang kami sa Tarlac, baha ang buong dagupan.
So we decided to sleep over in my cousin’s place. I saw SM ROSALES and sabi ko sa sarili ko “hindi pala exaggerated yung mga nagtext sakin na naabot na ng bagyo yung 2nd floor ng Sm”. It’s true. It’s almost like you will only see the roof of the Mall. Kaninang umaga we tried again to go home. We took the risk again. We were first drove by ate rose in Tarlac City and took the trip to Paniqui because other people said “ sumakay kayo paniqui and from paniqui, hanap kayo jeep papuntang Moncada, at pag ka asa Moncada na kayo, sumakay kayo TRUCk hanggang Rosales.” We still pursued. Walang kasiguruhan I know. Pagkababa sa Paniqui, nag antay kami uli ng Bus, suddenly may nakita kami “LAOAG”. Sumakay kami agad. And YES NAKAUWI KAMI. We passed those streets they said are impassable. We saw the wreck of the Bagyong Pepeng in Rosales and VIllasis..

WE SAW…WE CAME…. WE CONQUERED.

What a trip it was.. a trip of a lifetime. A trip I will never forget..

(written OCTOBER 10 2009)

UPDATE TO NOAH MCKENZIE's Health

so far so good. he is now extubated. he has stable vital sign. No more pneumonia. but NPO still. God is Good all the time. we should still pray for him though. and we should also include our prayers for mark and Mel. sana makakuha sila ng more strength..

Get well soon baby Noah Mckenzie Fernandez

Sept 27 2009- He was born at 11:44 in Urdaneta District Hospital with a congenital anomaly termed as Gastrochisis. . this is a condition wherein the inestines developed outside the abdomen through a hole. The same day he was transferred to another institution and undergone operation.

                             The Doctors were able to put back Mckenzie's intestines. it's like 3 doctors told bestbud Mark that they don't want to give any false reassurance because the baby was a neonate and to undergone operation is a major thing that a neonate might or might not handle. It was Tragic to hear, i know. But Mark stood still, kept fighting his tears not to fall.. because if he breaks down, every one would. Mckenzie is now in Neonatal Intensive Care Unit( NICU) with Mechanical ventilation which is rented again from another Institution and cost BIG. IV's.. Medicine.. Hospital bills. He is also in parenteral nutrition.Another thing, today, Sept 28, Mark's Mom will undergo (or under gone?dont know yet) operation in St. Lukes for another serious illness. Poor boy, Poor Mark.


                             As people in the National Capital Region needs help and relief goods... MARK EDWARD do too. to cost him so much for a condition he never wanted to happen is really sad. I can feel what he can feel, because yes he is a nursing student, he knows what's happening, but He, being a father, Dominates more. WE ALL ARE ASKING FOR YOUR HELP. prayers, support, finance. We pray that He will always be Guided by the Lord Jesus Christ, and we respect each and every plans for us, for Noah.. But Lord God Almighty, we asked you to please.. Give him to us.. please let him live.


                         I adore Mark's strength. for when i am in a situation he's in right now, i migth have fallen already.. surrendered. i adore the way he absorbed everything, every little thing people says. "lets pray for him".. "kung para sa inyo, sainyo talaga".. "ang tigas kasi ng ulo niyo!" " i told you so"... why could people be annoying this time. PEOPLE, this moment is not the right moment to point fingers to who's fault is it. WE NEED PRAYERS. not any negative comments. THIS IS NOT A JOKE.. not a movie, not a book. THIS IS REAL. please :(

                       it's a good thing the doctor was able to tell to Melinda already. It's hard keeping something very serious to a friend who you know is brittle and unprepared. She cried, cried million times the way she cries while giving birth. and to think she and the baby are in two separate hospital. after awakening, she uttered of wanting to go out and be with Noah...



                        To all our friends who helped out Mark, thank you guys, kailangan na kailangan namin kayo. Mark and Mel, Please be strong. i know it hurts but let's just pray.. Mckenzie, baby boy.. Ninong will always pray for you. i loved you even before i see you. please stay...  For any help, please contact me on my cellphone or leave comment here. Thank you.

Bud Brothers haha

sa lahat ng mga kaibigan ko, wala ng mas masaya kasama kundi itong mga to. loko loko, oo. but they were the truest of the true, the BESTest of the best. i met them when i was in higschool, except for miledone who've i met since elementary. dami na nag daan sa barkada. Marami pumasok, Marami ring lumabas. Ang barkada namin, Heterosexual kumbaga. May mga babae din. pero iba parin ang bonding namin. Hirap sometimes to make a "boys-night-out" kasi nga naman ang mga babae namin considered themselves "One" of the boys. pero minsan lang kami lumabas na kami lang mga lalake sulit naman. iba parin ang usapang lalake. hindi maikukumpara. walang mayaman, walang mahirap, walang nurse, walang tambay.

Nung minsan lumabas kami, kami lang mga lalaki, tuwang tuwa ang mga loko. sabi pa ni Yson pag kahatid sakin " bro ngayon lang tayo gumimick ah".. nag taka naman daw ako, kasi lagi nga kami gumigimik. pero naalala ko na ibig nya sabihin, gumimik na mga lalake lang, walang gf gf. haha. naalala ko the last tym na gumimik kami sa baguio. ang mga loko nag uwi ng koreana. haha. nakinuod lang ako syempre. hehe

kahit ako miss ko na rin ung ganun. pero di naman mahalaga kung magkakaroon ng "all boys out" o hindi. ang importante, mag kakaibigan parin kami.. Si Don, Geeson, Mark,ako, at si Les(wala sa picture).. solid.. miss ka na namin Dan, Aaron, Nikki. habang patagal ng patagal ang barkada'y rumarami. haha.

BAYBAYAN, MC XANDER R. BSN-RN

I've been anxious for like a month before the result was published. I doubted myself as people did. Sabi nila, "you can never make it". meron pa nga " Papasa ka kaya?".. i ignored them.. for i know i will. I prayed so much and asked it to the Lord.. And Now, I am a Registered Nurse.

My shout out never meant to hurt anyone, to annoy anyone. I am just so proud of myself because i have conquered all the barriers, in school..in PRC.. the exam.. God really helps.

even Before the result was published, I am very vocal that the exam was uhhmmm how can i say... Easy.. a bit easier than our test drills in the review center. was i nervous? honestly, No. I was nervous because i wasn't nervous, if you get what i mean.

Yes.. I am happy that i am a Registered Nurse. But i can't feel the total happiness because some of my friends didn't make it. Friend1- he was the most optimistic about passing, Friend2- retook the exam, and still didn't make it.. and friend3- whom i thought was not prepared enough to pass.

What Advise could i give them??

Pray faithfully. Don't Go to church because you're obliged to.. Go to church because you wanted it.

Study harder. When i was reviewing, i was really, in filipino idiom "Nagsusunog ng kilay".. Some friends says "Ang O. A naman nito mag aral".. but i didnt bother. because Look at me now, I am RN. and that person who told me that, was not yet RN.

if you don't know the answer, Choose letter C. i don't know if it's effective but i guess to me, it was.

Pray while shading. i dunno again if it's effective but it was, to me.

Just do all your best without hesitations. Don't listen too much to the people who's bothering you because in the end, you will just need your self. and the last one..

TRUST YOURSELF..

if no one trust you, who else could.

- Baybayan, RN

Thanks a lot, DAD! grrr

i am so not in the mood right now... because of Him. Last two nights ago, i had this argument with my Dad. I thought it will end there. basically i was wrong. the afternoon before that argument night, my cousin who is also a Nursing Grad like me, went here and told my father that he is working now in DIY (do-it-yourself) shop. Maybe my father got the idea that many institutions are accepting Nursing Grads.

so that night, he went home, drunk, and started talking.
"why don't you try to apply for work while your Idle" he told me.
And i just got irritated by the way he told me. i know that he's comparing me to my cousin, who is, for him, responsible enough to work on his own.
i answered back. "Ayoko, antayin ko muna result. nakakatamad mag trabaho ng may hinihintay". He still insisted "eh habang wala ka pa ginagawa, sayang din yung salary".
"May mga bagay sa mundo na mas mahalaga kaysa sa pera, eh kung hindi naman ako masaya bakit mo ko pipiliting magtrabaho, hayaan mo lang sila kung gusto nila magtrabaho"
"ang sabihin mo, mataas lang ang pride mo" he said confidently.
i startled. i was really got pissed off and said " ASK YOURSELF, bakit di ka maghanap ng trabaho".

akala niya kasi, i had this EGO like his. God, i can work, kahit ano pa yan. can't he remember? i work in a fast food chain before, and i was proud about it. he can't understand that there are things really important than money. hindi lahat, tungkol sa pera. GOD. and i also told him i passed my resume to the hospital and hope working there so i can have more experiences, and he again told me "productive ba yang inaplyan mo??". i ask myself "can i curse my dad, just now". for him i'ts ALL ABOUT MONEY. for me, it wasn't just about money. at least kahit walang sweldo dun, the experience that will make me more competent in the future will help me. nakakaasar siya. bakit siya he was unemployed like for years now. i turned back that question to him. sometimes i hope he could be so sensitive not to hurt himself.

i thought after nun, tapos na. Hindi pa pala, kailan lang sinabihan niya ako ng " ano forever ka nalang magiging dependent?" i whispered to my self "god damn it, i am dependent to my mother, at least my mother" gusto kong sabihin sa kanya na for many years he has been dependent to my mother, who by the way is his EX wife, and ang kapal niya to tell me that. ang kapal tlga. He is not just dependent to my mom, also to my sister and to my brother. and soon as i got employed he will, to me. kaya ako naiinis because he cant realize what he is talking about.

Well thanks DAD. thankyou for showing me how great you are. and thanks for supporting me. Grabe. thanks for showing me what will be my kid's life if i will raise them the way you did to us. thanks for showing me your not worth idolizing.

ANXIETY to the severe level???

the onset of my Anxiety started 1st day of this month. they said "just relax and wait for the result, you've done your best, and you'll make it".

they don't know, it had just added on the level of my anxiety. Everyone were very confident that i can pass my recent concluded exam, but not myself. Although i believe that i had study hard, being overconfident is not the key. i don't know if i shade the boxes well. i almost even pricked one of my test papers because of how i sharpened my pencil.. everyone expects me to pass that's why i am so nervous because what if God wont give me this, this time. nakakahiya if i fail. i hate feeling this. AMBIVALENCE. feelings of two opposing thoughts. one says, "hey be positive, you'll pass", and the other says "feeling ka masyado". how can i be positive if one side of me is very pessimistic. i dont wanna be hypocrite, ofcourse i'm thinking to pass everytime i had the chance of thinking bout the result. was that bad? no. was that assurance? neither. but that helps me to lessen my anxiety. .

Many speculations on when the result will be released. i dont even know when, but they said's it's on the last week of July or the First week of August. It's 2-3 weeks from now. i know i share the same feelings to those who take the June board, but i knew someone who never been bothered about the result of the exam, maybe he is confident enough, or maybe using a very common DEFENSE MECHANISM, suppression. What does i mean by exampling him? that every test taker had different ways on how to cope with their anxiety. we may have the same feelings but we had different ways to attack or accept it. i remembered my psyche teacher. she said there are ways on how to lessen the level of anxiety. Have you guess mine? yes.. this one.. Journal writing.

hoooo... keep praying for me guys.. please.

fruit cocktrail, i love it : )

i am sick. totally sick. cough. colds. fever. they say "maybe its ah1n1".. and i guess its really that thing. i never felt this kind of flu ever. Normally if i had flu, i can still walk or do my activities of daily living. but this time, oMg, if only i could just sleep everytime. paracetamols. chloramphenicols. phenylalanines. never work this time. not even the famous "water therapy".

but yesterday, after my girlfriend went here with different fruits on hand, i felt better. i believe there's really a magic in her hands, with one touch, everything is just fine. (not to mention the fruits she brought). pineapple. lychee, by the way no hypocrisy the first time i ever taste it, grapes which are kinda expensive. i just love her being here. i really feel good. i always wanted her by myside. she never let me down. she always makes things so naturally good. after she left, i found myself lying again. sick.

and i think i just needed attention. special attention. but i'm much better now, because of her. i just need her with me every single day. I JUST MISSED Her.

NEW MOON TRAILER

sometimes, it pays to read a book before it turns into a movie. I have finished the NEW MOON book in less than a week, and i know that i had memorized each and every scene of it, form Jacob turning into a werewolf, to bella having a papercut, to edward and the vulturi. there were really some missed replication in the trailer, and to think that it was just the trailer, how much more to whole movie it self.

ok here its is. in the trailer, jacob attack Laurent (the collegue of James and Victoria, the Bad Vampires) and transformed into a werewolf while Bella is present. First, when Laurent was about to attack bella, 5 giant bear as termed by Meyer appeared and run over Laurent. Bella didnt know yet that one of them was her bestfriend, Jacob. it was only when jacob went to bella's room one night that he told bella about his being a werewolf. Jacob didnt exactlly told bella, He just gave a hint. secondly in the book, Jacob is still Long hair. haha


Funny cause the whole book, there were less BELLA- EDWARD thing, its more of the BELLA- JACOB. Edward appeared in the first pages, then disappered, then came back at the later part of the book. it was really "kilig" reading the love story of Jacob and Bella. haha


We'll its early to Judge, it was just the trailer...