Thanks a lot, DAD! grrr

i am so not in the mood right now... because of Him. Last two nights ago, i had this argument with my Dad. I thought it will end there. basically i was wrong. the afternoon before that argument night, my cousin who is also a Nursing Grad like me, went here and told my father that he is working now in DIY (do-it-yourself) shop. Maybe my father got the idea that many institutions are accepting Nursing Grads.

so that night, he went home, drunk, and started talking.
"why don't you try to apply for work while your Idle" he told me.
And i just got irritated by the way he told me. i know that he's comparing me to my cousin, who is, for him, responsible enough to work on his own.
i answered back. "Ayoko, antayin ko muna result. nakakatamad mag trabaho ng may hinihintay". He still insisted "eh habang wala ka pa ginagawa, sayang din yung salary".
"May mga bagay sa mundo na mas mahalaga kaysa sa pera, eh kung hindi naman ako masaya bakit mo ko pipiliting magtrabaho, hayaan mo lang sila kung gusto nila magtrabaho"
"ang sabihin mo, mataas lang ang pride mo" he said confidently.
i startled. i was really got pissed off and said " ASK YOURSELF, bakit di ka maghanap ng trabaho".

akala niya kasi, i had this EGO like his. God, i can work, kahit ano pa yan. can't he remember? i work in a fast food chain before, and i was proud about it. he can't understand that there are things really important than money. hindi lahat, tungkol sa pera. GOD. and i also told him i passed my resume to the hospital and hope working there so i can have more experiences, and he again told me "productive ba yang inaplyan mo??". i ask myself "can i curse my dad, just now". for him i'ts ALL ABOUT MONEY. for me, it wasn't just about money. at least kahit walang sweldo dun, the experience that will make me more competent in the future will help me. nakakaasar siya. bakit siya he was unemployed like for years now. i turned back that question to him. sometimes i hope he could be so sensitive not to hurt himself.

i thought after nun, tapos na. Hindi pa pala, kailan lang sinabihan niya ako ng " ano forever ka nalang magiging dependent?" i whispered to my self "god damn it, i am dependent to my mother, at least my mother" gusto kong sabihin sa kanya na for many years he has been dependent to my mother, who by the way is his EX wife, and ang kapal niya to tell me that. ang kapal tlga. He is not just dependent to my mom, also to my sister and to my brother. and soon as i got employed he will, to me. kaya ako naiinis because he cant realize what he is talking about.

Well thanks DAD. thankyou for showing me how great you are. and thanks for supporting me. Grabe. thanks for showing me what will be my kid's life if i will raise them the way you did to us. thanks for showing me your not worth idolizing.