It's almost the end of the year, but I still feel that I wasted another year of my life. My life is a big Irony. I'm helpful but can't seem to help myself. I was a generally a happy person before, but now, I'm mediocre happy and just getting through the days.
This year, My wife and I gone through a lot. The first quarter was the most difficult months as I didn't have work. I was forced to go back home because my resident Id got canceled. We spent money that we've been saving just so I could go back to Qatar to work again. The second quarter was as stressful as the first because when I undergone my medical examination, they asked me to repeat Xray twice, and I also undergone a PPD test (tuberculin test- a test to find out if i was exposed to anyone with TB). You don't understand, If the result is positive, I could no longer work as a Nurse, ever. I was shocked to have gone through this because my body could tell you that I could not have TB (I'm huge for effin's sake) Fortunately, It was negative but could you just imagine how we were feeling those days we were waiting for the result, It was dreadful. The third quarter, meh.
Is this country really worth coming back to? Don't get me wrong, I would always be thankful of this country, It gave me opportunities that my country could not give. Moreover, It opened door for second chances and experiences and the pay is not bad. However, I feel that I am not living. Just getting through the days.
The next day of arriving back here in Doha, I started my new work immediately. I felt blessed of course, I'm very lucky they said. but for some reason, It didn't matter to me. Okay I got work, so what now?I don't know if I just got blinded not to see and appreciate these things, or maybe because I always ask for more, but is it a bad thing? Is it a bad thing, to want things?
I'm very lucky, they said. I have work and I'm getting paid for doing nothing but is it really what I wanted, doing nothing? I've been doing nothing for the past 6 years and that doesn't make me happy either. I'm not a lazy person, I love to multitask and to move around. I didn't picture myself inside an office (clinic) and just wait for people to get injured or ill just for me to do something but because I got no choice, I'm here.
If you hate it that much, so why not change they said. Oh believe me, I am trying all the best that I could just to get out of here, but for some reason, the odd's never in my favor.
But you know, whatever happened,It did not change my perseverance and my resilience. I was still able to overcome my difficult situations. I still find ways to humor the dark days. I'm sort of like a phoenix, i have the ability to rise from the ashes and everyone who personally knows me are aware that I don't stop until I get what I wanted.
So maybe it's okay not to be okay sometimes. It's okay being where I am today, but this will not be the end of it. Difficult times may come, but surely, everything will make sense and it will all be worth it.
I am not trying to be cheesy but the only thing that getting me through the days is my wife. She is by far, the best blessing in my life , and the reason why I wake up in the morning. I would have never got over all of it without her. So if I am just getting through the days now, I get to go through it with her so it's not bad after all.
